Bze Slots

I've been working on a new Android application. I haven't put as much time into this one as some of the others but I wanted to get some beta testers trying it out. This link will send you to google docs where you can download it to your Android phone: Bze Slots!

My First Father's Day

I'm confused. I'm proud, but not sure how to feel. I'm an emotional man, but completely out of touch with my emotions since my daughter was taken away from our lives. Today, I should be holding her in my arms. I should be feeding her and tickling her. It should be a weekend of celebration, but in my heart it is far from that. I usually need answers, but quickly realized this was one thing that will never be answered. Why was she taken? It makes no sense. Two loving parents that would have done anything for their child. Now, every little face reminds me of her and what could have been. Every tear I could have wiped away. Every smile I could have captured. Every hug I could have squeezed.

There's 'help' at every corner, "Let me know what I can do for you." I hated hearing these words, but heard it from everyone. I know it was probably hard for them too. What do you say to a parent that has lost a child? You can't tell someone you know what it's like to lose a child unless you have. Usually when my emotions overwhelm me I like my space, but telling people to leave me alone didn't feel right. So, my "thank you" appeased their struggle of what to say, but denied me any type of the same.

I'm usually a happy person. I love to laugh and make others laugh. I don't want to burden people with my story, but I want people to know. I want people to know what I'm going through without having to discuss it.  I want people to know how beautiful my daughter was without asking to see pictures. I just want things to have been different...

Dear Emma Elizabeth Brown,

Mommy and daddy will always love and miss you. We appreciate every second we got to spend with you, no matter how short it was. No one will be able to explain what happened, but the time was yours. We have a beautiful daughter that had mommy's nose and daddy's brows. We have a daughter that will always grow in our hearts. We have a daughter that will always be special, nothing can take that from us. Hopefully, we touched you as much as you touched us. There is a tremendous pain that makes this hard and we will always struggle, but we know you were a fighter and gave it your all. Always know that we too gave it our all.

Today, is your scheduled due date. We will celebrate it together and never forget. While only 5 months, it has felt like a lifetime since we touched you last. We will spend a lifetime celebrating your life. Remember we will always be yours as we remember you will always be ours. Look after your future siblings, you will always be the beautiful big sis as we grow our family.

Thank you family and friends that have always supported us, especially through such times.

Tiny Emma, we love you ~ January 14, 2013 - January 16, 2013

Dear Kim,

Your first Mother's Day,

Not sure what to say.

A bittersweet present,

Without our daughter present.

She's been taken,

But never forsaken.

In both our hearts,

From start,

To finish.

We may always fish,

For the reason.

But never easing,

Is the answer.

It's a cancer,

That'll tear us.

So we must,

Strive on.

Stay strong.

For her.

For a cure,

That'll stop the pain.

That'll stop the strain.

Remember you and I,

Will again try and try.

We have love to share,

She knows we care,

And always will,

Even with a new Jill or Bill.

I love you both, Happy Mother's Day.

Want to test my game for me?

Have been working on a significant amount of updates for my Android math game. Sorry crApple users maybe some day I will develop for you. Can I get some people to test it out here? There are a few kinks that I still need to work on along with more additions, but any feedback from you peeps would be mighty nice! And as always thanks for the support!